What do Bippy the Clown, Sweet Meteor O’ Death, and Elizabeth Warren have in common?
They have all filed Federal Elections Commission (FEC) paperwork to run for public office.
The candidates themselves can variously be classified as ballot trolls, publicity stunts, performance artists, single-issue candidates, protest candidates, and hopeless causes.
Or, in Warren’s case, a straightforward fraud.
It’s almost unfair to group Liz Warren in with the rest of the bunch. At least Bippy the Clown comes clean; you know he’s a joke the second you read his name.
The rich tradition of ballot shenanigans continued this summer when a new dark horse entrant declared his candidacy for the U.S. Senate in the Commonwealth of Taxachussets.
The unlikely figure’s name? Vermin Supreme.
That’s Mr. Vermin Supreme to you.
Unfortunately for humankind, Massachusetts U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren isn’t up for re-election until 2025. Supreme is instead running as a Libertarian write-in candidate against incumbent Democrat U.S. Senator Edward Markey, who just slapped back socialist-wannabe U.S. Rep. Joe Kennedy III in a decisive September 1st primary win.
As a side note, you know the Kennedy dynasty is wearing thin when they’re down to the red-headed stepchild.
But if Markey – a D.C. Swamp Creature who’s slithered around Congress since 1976 only to reinvent himself as Socialist-Revolutionary and co-sponsor of the Green New Deal with AOC – thinks he’s just going to roll over some political novice, think again!
This isn’t Supreme’s first political rodeo. Supreme is a former presidential candidate whose main campaign promise was to give every American a free pony. Now that, friends, is EXPERT pandering. Supreme could “out-free stuff” Bernie Sanders any day.
Amusingly, the Associated Press rather soberly accounts Supreme’s announcement, noting that there are two Republicans also running to unseat Markey. But let’s be frank: this is liberal Taxachusetts and our last, best, and only hope is Vermin Supreme.
Supreme admitted to NBC10 Boston that his candidacy is “a lark” and that he jumped in after learning of disaffected voters writing his name on mail-in and absentee ballots.
“I’m the only candidate who has released their dental records,” Supreme says in a campaign video, holding up an X-ray of his teeth. “None of my opponents have released their dental records. Are they soft on plaque? They may be.”
Unlike other gimmick candidacies that exist on paper only, Supreme is a living political performance piece. Into the annals of comedic props, rendering George Burns and his cigar passé, enters Supreme’s sartorial signature of a boot that he wears upside down on his head. He claims that the boot has brought him attention and “allowed [him] to interact with media from across the flat Earth.”
And yet, somehow, a candidate who touts his dental records while wearing an upside-down rain boot on his head is less ridiculous than Fauxcahontas pretending to be a full-blooded Cherokee and plagiarizing a french recipe for a native American cookbook.
You may laugh – both at and with Supreme – but in 2016 fake candidate “Honest Gil” Fulbright raised $50,000 for his presidential run, which was three times as much as “real” Democratic candidate Lincoln Chafee in the same period.
Chafee, in a doomed bid of misplaced hubris not seen since the Charge of the Light Brigade, staked his entire campaign on forcing America to adopt the Metric System. Were Chafee not a former U.S. Senator and Governor of Rhode Island, one might mistakenly classify his candidacy as avant-garde performance art, not unlike the mischievous politicking of Supreme.
Some may say that people like Vermin Supreme make a mockery of our elections. But this is America and we are a free country (given we stop electing socialists). People are free to exercise their free speech and political rights (again, given we stop electing socialists).
Furthermore, states such as Massachusetts, New York, nd California are effectively one-party states, with many Republican voters deprived of representation at the federal level. For instance, there are 2.6 million active Republican voters in New York, a number larger than the total population of fifteen U.S. states, many of whom feel deeply unrepresented by their federal delegation (in New York’s case, led by communist apologist and Senate Minority Leader Cryin’ Chuck Schumer).
After a while, conservatives in these deep blue areas of the country get election fatigue: Another year, another sacrificial lamb gone to slaughter losing in a predictable 30-percent to a 70-percent landslide.
At the very least, Vermin Supreme gives the disaffected voice and choice. Besides, we could all smile a little more.
“Together we will ride our ponies into a zombie-powered future,” promises Supreme.